Confession of a Heart Breaker II

Let's skip the background. If you're a close friend of mine, you'd definitely know what a cold serial heart breaker I am. - NOT the kind that gets in a relationship and then break hearts.

I'm the one that break hearts now because I've no interest to later ruin a relationship. - Not that I'd actually would ruin one. But prevention is better than cure.

After many years of rejecting advances thrown at me, I grow cold and heartless. I found out that I don't melt that easily, my feelings don't bloom so hastily, my stomach is free of butterflies and most of all, I never settled for steady too quick.

For me, the advantage for being heartless is not having special feelings tying you down in the first place. Having feelings is a heavy commitment. All sorts of things stem up from one little fling. Been there, done that. Messy, I tell you.

Usually when your heart have been broken by someone, you don't continue to pursue that person anymore. That's normal, right? But these two guys never learnt from their lesson. - I don't know how many times I broke their hearts already. It amazes me that they keep on trying.

At first, I'm not comfortable with them coming back and again. But soon I realized that their intentions were too pure for them to give up. Finally, I met some guys who are not jerks after all. - FYI, jerks move on to other girls pretty fast. They rebound really well.

But just because their feelings were genuine, it doesn't mean I should hook up with either one. Or both. No matter how differently they approach me for another chance, I still break them. Nothing's gonna change me. Though I can be a little nicer and less colder.

One guy keep looking for the right chance to ask me if I'm free tonight. And the right chances always turn out to be the night where I'm busy leading events. My honest answer always left him smiling at me with an understanding look. But sometimes it looks like he's feeling sorry for himself. Which in turn, made me feel bad. I might say maybe next time to him. But we both know my words falter and yet, he'd still try to ask again next time.

Another guy has a very energetic persistence. Directly asking when we're gonna hook up or when are we going on a date, over and over again, as if my same answer fell on deaf ears. For once, I felt really tired to break him that I just played along. Then I got tired of playing along, I just stick back to breaking. Things evolved into a teasing game after that; accusing me of having a new boyfriend and labeling himself as my ex. It might seem amusing for us, but I hope it's his way of moving on.

But in the long run, being heartless does have it's disadvantage. I don't know how to deal with the special feeling when it rises. And even if I think I like that person, I might not know how to respond and react, cling or give in, like a normal girl would.

But I'm not normal to begin with. So yeah, I'm screwed.